self.ism [ 'selfizem ]

def: concentration on one's own interest; self-centeredness or self-absorption

To have a wrong idea about the self will produce a wrong self, and a wrong self may mean a misspent of life. The self is the sole thing we own. It is the one and only thing we brought into the world, and it is the only thing that we will take out of the world. So the way we understand it and deal with it is crucial to our life both now and hereafter. For what we are hereafter depends on what we are after here. Pause.. and digest the last 2 lines. Does it really make sense?

If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me

Mark 8:34

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ lives in me

Galatians 2:20

Have we really spend some time and meditate on these verses? What does it really mean and how does it affect the "self"?

Besides Discipleship Training School, DTS is also an abbreviation of Die To Self. I've spent a year of learning how to "die to self" in the training schools and He has led me to cure alot of the disease of selfism. Mentoring is not an easy task because mentors represent God as an authority figure. There is always a possibility of God being misrepresented. It is a heavy responsibility that we carry as the follower of Christ. Same goes with all other kinds of leaders. Discipleship involves nothing less and nothing more than self-surrender. You have to constantly replace your self-centeredness into people-focus person.

self-surrender is not self-committed... you can be committed to someone without being surrendered to him or to her. A soldier may be committed to the military service without being inwardly surrendered to it. He might do his duty but unhappy/sore on the inside. Many times, we fall into the same trap that the enemy loves for us to believe. As long as I'm committed to Christianity.. I go to church on Sunday, I join prayer meeting and Cell Group, I serve in the ministry, therefore I'm committed to Him. But, are we really surrendering our whole self to Him? Same goes in the case of us being in any kinds of ministry.

I'm sharing on 'self-centerdness' is because I was attacked by the sefism disease for the past few days. In the previous post, I talked about God's will, His way not My way. I loudly proclaimed that I will surrender myself to Him and let Him do it His way because He is GOD! He has a great plan for me. As I continue to wait on Him... I became very frustrated. I saw the possibilities of what He wants me to do and yet I was laying out the conditions for Him. "Lord.. if you want me to do this, I want it to be like this, this and this. I will only do it if this is here and if this happens and if I can do it like this.. now Lord, or I will not do it!"

I was in a state where I was so sure that He loves me so much that He would give whatever I asked for. He will fulfill my desires and all that I ask for. I've forgotten the most basic thing of a Father's heart.. A father who loves his children will not give a stone when you ask for a bread.. he knows what's best for you.

But I thought, What happens to the self when it is totally surrendered to God? Will I still be happy? Will I get to do what my heart wants? He slapped me with all the things that I've experienced with Him.. His faithfulness.. His peace.. His loving tender and warm presence that was with me all the time eventhough I may seem like I have nothing in the world. When the self is surrendered to God, He takes it and starts the process of wiping it clean of self-interest. It gives him the opportunity to cleanse us from selfishness and gives it back to us after the cleansing. For some reason, whenever I think about the word self-centered, it reminds me of Golum from the Lord of the Rings.. he became such and ugly creature when he focused so much on the thing that he considered "precious". In my case or should I say.. our case, it is the "self".

It is so easy for me to say "Lord, I surrender everything that I have to you." I confess that I've failed to really carry it out but He is faithful. He did not let me wander far but far enough for me to see it on my own that I had left Him somewhere along the road.

One verse that kept me trusting in Him is "Be Still and know that I Am God". If He is not the one that you and I can trust, then who else is there?

It is us that He sees it important. It is not the service nor is the mission. It is because He wants to satisfy our spirit and so we find ourselves doing things His way but heading towards the gaining what your heart desired. It is because He wanted me to discover myself and my worth, everything was done just so that I will find my real self. (Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever looses his life for my sake will find it Matt 10:39)

For to me, to live is Christ and die is gain

Philippians 1:21

God's Will; My Way vs. God's Way

It is one thing to do the will of God. It is another thing entirely to do it God's way in God's time.

- Charles R. Swindoll

One month had passed since I came home from the mission field. I can say that I've graduated from the "School of Self-Discovery"!! That chapter of my life journey with Him was closed (read The Journey: School of Self-Discovery) and now He's leading me into a new chapter.

I'm now in a waiting period ever since I came home. Lately, I've been very impatient and started to lay down all the alternative paths that I think I should take in order not to waste my time. I knew in my heart that it is His plan for me one day to embrace some aspect of full-time ministry. As I was waiting for the call to be fulfilled, I receive a lot of open doors especially from the mission field but I wanted to say YES very much to the offer from elsewhere because I am in frustration right now. Being put in a situation where I felt that I have so much that I want to do for Him and yet it is being delayed.. I have no time to waste!

I thank God that He is indeed a great and faithful God... He has been prompting me to read a book written by Charles R. Swindoll on Moses - A Man of Selfless Dedication. I once was told that the best thing to do while we're in a waiting period is to read! He has never stopped prompting me to study on the life of Moses since July 2007 up till now. I did not understand many things that happened during the past few months but only hearing Him say ".. study the story behind the life of Moses and you will know..."


Moses spent his first forty years thinking he was somebody. He spent his second forty years learning he was a nobody. He spent his third forty years discovering what God can do with a nobody.

- Dwight L. Moody

As I begin to reflect upon my years of life.. (ok I'm not that old and I thank God that I discover this precious truth that has been leading me to live in freedom!) I see myself walked through the first '80 years' of Moses's life in Egypt (when he was a somebody) and in Midian (when he was a nobody). I'm not saying that I will never have a time in the desert again but I'm excited that it is time for me to walk into fulfilling my calling. It is not the normal dream and passion that I'm after now.. it is the passion and the dream that I was created to carry out.

A few important things that I've learned from this period of waiting is that:

• to answer to His call is not so much of the sacrifices we made. It is more of a being obedient to Him. When we obey, we will be blessed
• NOT to plan on carrying out that plan (His will) in my own way, if I do take matters into my own hands, I will wound up losing His blessings (.. when Moses tried to rescue a fellow brother from the Egyptian with his own hands)
• waiting is not a waste of time but it is a time of rest in Him
  

We must always remember that when He calls.. He has all the plans and timing lined out according to His wisdom. For we do not see or think beyond what we can with our finite mind. Waiting is not a fun period so we must be careful that we do not manipulate our way through to be in His will. We might find ourselves competing for prestigious pulpit and if we push and shove and we will find ourselves corrupting the calling we receive from Him.

I thank God that I did not have to learn the hard way, He teaches me this before I make myself walking into another desert. When you begin to walk with Him, He will guide your every single step.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.

Proverbs 3:5,6

For those who are in the period of waiting, He knows you are worried, knows time is passing and prospects are narrowing... I've walked out of the "desert school", I've discovered my new self and His miraculous ways. If you feel like you're in the desert just like when Moses was exiled; no one was there to help, reach for the hand of your guide! He is the Lord of the desert.

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isa 40:31

I feel that many of us are called into His higher calling... do not shut your ears and hide away because you will find yourself running in circles to avoid. We can never outrun God!! Be courages and take up the call!! Everyone are called in different area.. not just Full-time but we're called into where He has prepared us to be. Be it in the corporate world, at home, school, church or in the mission field.